What Does It Mean To Be "LadyLike"?

When ninth graders in a Gender Equality and Media Awareness study were asked to describe what it means to 'Act Like a Man' and to be 'Ladylike' the responses indicated the impact of their 'socialization' on gender stereotypes.

Here are the most prevalent answers given: "Act Like a Man"-macho, tough, in-control, rough, stronger than women, sexually aggressive, leader.

Being "Ladylike" was defined as-polite, fragile, skinny, well-dressed, confused, depend on guy, cross legs, shave legs, pretty, can't be smarter than guys, loyal.

Is it any wonder that gender bias exits? The media, television, magazines, movies, and video games all promote this view of women as weak and superficial. Don't you think it is time for us to send new messages to our young women?

To Be He or Not To Be He..or She?

Think about these words for a conversation starter with your daughter (or son).
"The executive power shall be vested in a president of the United States of America. HE shall hold HIS office during the term of four years."
These words in Article II, Section I of our Constitution sends yet another message to our daughters (and sons) about limited career opportunities. Does this use of He and His throughout this document indicate that our Founding Fathers meant for the presidency to be occupied by men? The realities of today's world demonstrate to us that women are just as capable as men in regards to every career choice including public office chief! Recently Hillary Rodham Clinton ran an almost successful campaign to become president. Had she won, would she have been able to take office according to our constitution? This gender bias needs to be addressed if our children are going to grow respecting the talents and skills of both sexes.

A 28th amendment which states that a woman can hold the most powerful position in our nation would be a good start!

Talk to your daughter about this today! Get her thoughts and Promote Her Thinking and Awareness of today's messages!

Shatter Your Own Glass Ceiling!

Although I know that the Glass Ceiling still exists…that invisible barrier that keeps women from stepping up the corporate ladder…I also believe we often create and own a glass ceiling within us. I came across this vignette that clearly sheds light on what we often do to ourselves. Consider this internal dialogue.

A woman sits behind a desk and sees her boss sitting in his office. She has a plan. It is something she has been thinking about for a long time. She goes through the reasons in her mind why she needs an increase in salary. Her divorce is final and her spousal support will be running out soon.

The neighborhood she lives in is no longer safe for her teenage children and she dreams of owning her own home. The children will be going to college in a few years and the child support payments will end. She doesn't make enough to pay for college expenses. There are bills to be paid and she could use a new pair of shoes. She wonders if she is being selfish for wanting nice things.

She has not managed to save for her retirement in two years because of all the unexpected expenses. Who will take care of her in her old age? She envisions herself as a bag lady pushing a shopping cart. She wonders if she will ever have choices in her life or just live pay check to pay check. She closes her eyes and rehearses what she will say.

Then a thought comes into her mind.

"You know he did mention in your last review that it took you too long to put together your presentations. What makes you think he will give you a raise? She looks over at her boss again feeling a surge of anxiety. There were a few other items he mentioned regarding her job performance but she could not recall what they were. He said some good things too but she couldn't recall those either.

Her feelings of anxiety are turning to panic. She knew she was good at her job. But has she fully corrected her deficits? She looks at her boss and decides it is not a good time to ask. Maybe she should wait until her next performance review. She starts to feel her tense muscles relaxing. She also recalls that his wife had surgery yesterday, and he didn't need to deal with her problems right now. He has always been good to her. She turns her back toward her computer screen and thinks, "The glass ceiling out in the world is nothing like the one in my head. It is as thick as lead"

The above vignette demonstrates the glass ceiling within. You can see from her internal dialogue that she gives in to all of her self imposed limitations such as fear, self doubt and her willingness to put other needs ahead of her own.
I use the image of the glass ceiling to describe this inner process because it is a familiar concept within our culture. It is a powerful image that helps to explain those internal barriers that prevent women from succeeding in their lives.

Are you doing the same? Are you sending these same messages of fear to your daughter? Do you want to nurture her into a strong, out-spoken woman ready for today's male dominated society? If you do, then download my free eBook at ParentingGirls.com.

Do We Need to Scratch Ourselves and Pee in the Woods to Hang Out With the Good Old Boys?

Once upon a time there was a female administrator that was intentionally not asked to golf with the other (all-male) administrators. When asked why, she was told that the men act differently, talk differently and, most importantly, can't scratch themselves or pee in the woods if she is present.